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Silence!

 
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cailean



Joined: 22 Sep 2016
Posts: 743


Location: SW Germany

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:01 am    Post subject: Silence! Reply with quote

Sister Mary entered the Convent of Silence:

The   Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent convent. You are
welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed
to do so.'

Sister Mary lived in the convent for 5 years before the Priest said
to her, 'Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak
two  words.'

Sister Mary said 'Hard bed.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'

After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the Priest. 'You
may say another two words, Sister Mary.'

'Cold food,' said Sister Mary, and the Priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called
Sister Mary in to his office.  'You may say two words today.'

'I quit,' said Sister Mary.

'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but bitch
since you got here.'
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Wee John



Joined: 23 Dec 2012
Posts: 4458


Location: Between Rochester & Niagara Falls NY USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

     
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BoB



Joined: 20 Nov 2012
Posts: 10246


Location: Skene, Aberdeenshire

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

   
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Fatjock



Joined: 22 Dec 2012
Posts: 1701


Location: Surrey

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish wife were all talking about how they never had enough money to go shopping. All of a sudden, the English wife had an idea.
"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!" Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it.
When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with.
When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card.
The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had happened.
"Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I bent over to show him I wasn't wearing any undies. But when he saw he gave 40p to get a comb!"
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Jock Tamson - born 23 October 4004BC - Living
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BoB



Joined: 20 Nov 2012
Posts: 10246


Location: Skene, Aberdeenshire

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

 
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Wee John



Joined: 23 Dec 2012
Posts: 4458


Location: Between Rochester & Niagara Falls NY USA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

 

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